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x OeQf5pgU gsearchtwww.c7oo.comisearchs Pn77Cj u Video Video I experienced the same emotions and reactions in my therapy. If you have a therapist who wants to understand and is patient, you will eventually be able to state more clearly your thoughts and emotions. But remember that all of this is new to you. You probably have kept most of this hidden from yourself and are discovering these thoughts and feelings for the first time. It will take awhile to put all of the puzzle pieces together. Take it slow. And it is important to keep your journal, if you decide to write again, either locked up at home or somewhere else as children would not understand what you wrote. It is too personal. One of the things my therapist and I did was to have a pad of drawing paper and crayons at her office so that, at times when I had trouble voicing how I felt, I just began drawing. That was very helpful.
Hello. I like the words of wisdom above – you are an incredible woman.
I thought I understood/and was-over my childhood sexual abuse. Not so.
Diane, I recently quietly attended a presentation you gave – thank you. I drove home that evening and during the 30-minute commute, I cried like a little boy, clearing my tears with my shirt sleeve, what pain – I recalled that night in 1979, at 7 years old. At night, he came to my bed, he said “..Shh, dont move..you will like this..you want this…” I thought-”What do I do? What is this?” Chills ran down my back. I began to shake-he went faster, stopped, then said “Don’t tell anyone,they will be mad at you.” My distrust broke, the fear began, and the embarrassment was planted. My double life began, for 7 years it continued. I can go on with family dysfunction, but when I was 14 he was killed in a car accident. I felt nothing.
Repressed feelings – wow. As a hispanic man, I was trained to not show emotion, to be macho – crying is for sissies and the weak – well, I am still trying to define manhood, but I am in a better place.
Sorry for the long reply here, I just needed to debrief. Is there a support group anywhere to attend? It just would be nice to talk to others.
Survivor in Recovery,
JC
I’m glad you were able to write what you did. To me, growth comes from getting in touch with your feelings, gaining a better understanding of what happened to you and how you internalized your abuser’s criminal behavior, coming to terms with how you want to live your life in a healthy way, and working to develop mutually respectful relationships. That takes a lot of work, but it is so worth it.